With Landon having a baby and me finally getting internet at our new house, I have postponed the recognition of Justin's birthday. He turned 27 years old earlier this week. That being said, my birthday present to him is opening up the blog to everything we love about Justin Lipscomb:
1. He has a dog with almost as much girth as he has
2. He drinks Miller High Life (incidentally took a sixer of that to a party recently, got made fun of)
3. Allowed me to start a radio show with him in college on WTTU
4. His father's name is Jasper
5. His biceps are bigger than the Rocks of Gibraltar
Everyone else join in. Happy Birthday, Big Cat.
36 comments:
6. He's the only man ever to go toe-to-toe with Jackie Mason in a street fight and live to tell the tale.
7. He once karate kicked the metal door frame in the dorms. The wall wept for 7 days. (may have been a leak in Ellington Hall)
8. My own biceps doubled in size the semester I slept 30 inches from him in Edna's.
9. We owned a Bull-Boxer names Annabelle Lee for a total of 4.5 hours. I still miss that dog.
10. Amanda Rushing once jumped out of the window in his old apartment.
11. He drinks High Life on a consisten basis. (I know this has already been stated, but it bears repeating)
12. His father onced punched me in the face for calling him "James brother of John".
Isn't it a shame that more people don't recognize the champagne of beers.
Andrew,
You are the king of birthday posts. I thank you, tip of the cap to you.
I think we should note that the name Annabelle Lee was given to the dog by Andrew, who also let her go and out of our lives forever.
Just something to chew on.
13. Five minutes after I met him for the first time, he made the downstairs toilet at Edna's overflow. Some went down the lone heating vent and some came out to the living room. He said, "That was my chicken parmagian" to which I replied, "What was your name again?"
14. He dated a real beast of a girl who was white, but still used jerri-curl. Her name in my book was simply, Woof.
15. He eats tuna from a pouch like a baseball player chewing Redman.
16. He used to be a male model and I'm the only one who was brave enough to tell him he was gay for it. He didn't even kill me for saying it, because he's a merciful model.
17. He's better than anyone I've ever seen at Rockband drums.
i veto ross's 10th comment... there is just no need to bring that up
Veto overturned. You don't have voting rights here.
18. He wears V-neck undershirts.
20. (I never liked the number 19) He taught me all about 'Tuna Helper'. My mother's name in college was tuna helper. Take from that what you will.
21. He and I took a little canoe trip one time. We split a case of high life. About halfway through, JD decides to 'float' one back to me. It sinks. He has never forgiven himself.
22. I slept next to him 3 weeks ago today and it was the best I have slept in months. I AM NOT KIDDING
23. I may be the only one on her who is legitimately larger than JD (6-5, 236...weigh in last week...thank you), but he makes me feel 4' tall in his arms
24. He drove a two tone extended cab S-10 in high school and would brake torque the hell out of it.
25. He dropped a log the size of California in the bottom floor of Ellington Hall shower. The moment culminated with Seth vomitting at the sight of it. I'll never forget it.
26. He studied for his Geology final for a total of 10 minutes the night before, in his bed with an RBC Root Beer.
27. He got marred on Cinco de Mayo.
28. His dad was a semi-pro pool player.
29. We lived together for 4 years.
Marred on Cinco De Mayo?
If you only knew.....Katie, if you read this I love you and you shouldn't be reading this.
30. He will never be able to live in a house and pay for his own water bill due to his shower addiction.
31. His sons will wear sticky gloves to their first Pop Warner practice due to the advice of their father to not make the same mistakes that he did.
32. I sweat. A LOT. Hence the showers.
33. That was low.
34. Don't ever sit in the front of a truck with 3 guys after Justin has played b-ball. I think we all know why (refer to 32)
35. He once pooped a rolling pin.
36. He tells great jokes at which I say out loud.
37. We are so close yet so far away. I will call you.
38: He borrowed a bed in college from me that I grew up on. My olest son now sleeps on it and has begun to grow chest hair at the age of 2.
39: He made my wife a mix tape of love songs and he gave it to her the first time she came into town to go out on a date with me.
40: I still vomit at the thought of the overwhelming smell of his feces in the shower Ross was using in Ellington.
41: He knows what it means to feel like a "sticky pistol".
42. He can hit a golf ball so far that the distance has to be calculated with scientific notation.
43. Let us not forget Spring Break '03. No wait, that didn't happen because he bought new shoes.
45. He dated my sister. No wait, that was Ross...not nearly as cool.
46. I don't know where Will came from but I agree Amanda Rushing shouldn't have been mentioned. Amanda Cherry, however, must now be. I vote her most likely of Justin's flings to jump out of my birthday cake (I would say Justin's but he is marred).
Marred, heh.
47. The way he looks at you the morning after.
JD, you dated Amanda Cherry? I always had a crush on her in a she-wears-enough-makeup-to-get-out-of-a-Volkswagen-with-23-other-people kind of way.
48. Congratulations, Justin. Your birthday has spawned one of the most prolific posts to date. I suppose ultimately we have your parents to thank for conceiving you on that sweaty night 27 years ago in rural Mississippi.
I never dated Amanda Cherry. I used her to get the secrets of the clown car trick. And it worked.
Landon, sweaty in November? If I know Jasper, it was just that.
marred
Damn. For a second I thought this was all for me...and then I saw the comment about Amanda Rushing. I've been weeping ever since. But seriously, I'm sure it means a lot to hear all of these wonderful things about yourself. Granted, most of the people who have said the afore mentioned wonderful things about you use words like "consisten" and phrases like "4' tall in his arms." Zing!
If this post was about you it would have looked something like this:
1. Balding prematurely
Ah-double zing!
Actually, my balding is quite mature. I think that may be the problem.
49. He has a new job he needs to post about.
Someone tell me how to create a new post on this thing. I get more points for that.
After you sign in there should be a something that says "new post." Good luck.
I still can't get it to work. Does the creator have to make me a contributor? Please Aaron can I post?
B. I'm really impressed with your desire to post. Seems like you're really catching on to this "internet" thing.
And let's hear it for Justin Johnston making a comment. I like it. Are you the one using the phrase "Andrew Stacy Memphis"
50. JD doesn't cut lawns. He screams and the blades of grass crawl back into the dirt.
51. I once saw him kill a cat by dropping his left testicle on its head. He then ate the cat with his right testicle. I haven't slept since.
52. Andrew, in due time. You have a baby you need to post about. If only you had a blog. Oh wait, you do.
53. Adam has an iPhone he needs to post about. He also hasn't called me yet.
54. Landon has a female he needs to post about.
This is actually pretty fun.
B,
I have invited you to post. I sent an e-mail to your Lipscomb address. Oh, put up a freaking picture on Facebook already.
people need to get their s!@# together up in here. trifflin' bunch a punk biznatches.
Couldn't have said it better myself Kev.
Nunley it was good to see you for a glorious hour yesterday. You look amazing. Wish I could have made lunch.
Yeah, Brandon, I've been meaning to tell you that people don't just write out their email addresses like that in comments. I know there is no way you could have known since you are about 5 years behind on the 'internet', but I'm pretty sure in a couple months you are going to receive massive amounts of spam at your work address.
i took care of B's "accident"
55) The only defeat Justin has ever known came when attempting to increase the girth of his arms to equal the girth of his man-piece.
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