Tomorrow Andrew leaves the safe, protected Memphis area and heads to the dangerous, liberal infested, Gommorah-esque city of New York with the goal of winning one million dollars. With this in mind let's all give him some advice for the competition and for his travels.......1. If some guy stops you on the street and asks to borrow your cell phone, don't give it to him, he doesn't have "borrow" in mind.
2. If you attend a Broadway play it is not socially acceptable to throw hundreds of tiny sheets of toilet paper in the air after the first musical number, I don't care what they do at Tech during big basketball games.
3. Keep in mind Laura is from the north. She may revert back to her 0ld northern habits. If she starts using the F word as a verb, noun, adjective, and adverb just go with it. Also, if she starts railing about socialized health care and how Hillary would be such a strong leader immediately show her a picture of Bill Clinton and ask her if that's who she wants as the next Vice President. She doesn't know what she's doing. Let her go watch a field hockey game and that should sooth her.
4. Just because there will be hot dog vendors on every corner, that doesn't mean you have to stop everytime. Remember there will be one at the next corner if you are really hungry.
5. Whatever you do, don't saying anything about Derek Jeter's questionable sexuality. He is like a god there. You may not make it out alive. If you have to make a comment let it be something like, "A-Rod, more like A-Not in the Post Season, who's with me?" and put your hand in the air, or "Steinbrenner is a real d*ck."
Hope this helps your time in the city.
8 comments:
Andrew,
Let's skip the pleasantries when your 30 seconds begin. Just go right into asking the question. We can talk after I give you the correct answer. I have so things to say to Meredith as well.
Current options:
"How you doin?"
"Have you seen Al with his shirt off? Is he flabby?"
"What's it like working with Matt "Glib" Lauer?"
"How did it feel to ride the Batpod?"
Just so you know that today I have contributed to the blog, I thought I better write on the first one.
If you run into some homeless people in New York burning stuff in a trash bin make sure they are using a metal bin. I had a truly EDNA experience last week when I threw some old charcoal that wouldn't light into one of the 60 gallon Metro trash bins.
At some point during the night the coals lit up. Around 12:30 someone looked out the window and said, "Is that a fire out there?". Yes, it was a fire. I went outside to find a molten puddle of rubber on my concrete porch. It had also caught a wicker chair on fire. There is no more wicker, just a charred metal frame.
Landon Vick has nothing on this arsonist. An office chair...please.
BEEEEEEEEE!
wha?!
B, I saw that girl you dated at smiley hollow. are you still dating her?
Andrew,
If you are reading this, then I have some coach phrases to impart to you.
Kick the Tires and Light the Fires
Look Sharp, Be Sharp, Razor Sharp
Piss and Vinegar
Two Claps and a Nature Boy
Rip'em a New One
Low Man Wins
Wrap Up
You Play like you Practice
They aint got shit on us!
Brown Bag Special Sackage
Go Get'em Andrew
First: Hopefully Andrew has wireless internet in his hotel to read all the great phrases from Coach Nunley.
Second: B! Wow. Great to have you on the blog. I thought you were dead. Seriously, I sent flowers to your mother. Hope she didn't get them.
Third: JD, you have more than double the number of point I do for the fantasy league. I think you're going to win that one. Just a guess.
Has anyone established a plan to find out how Andrew is doing tomorrow. Can Laura text message us? I would love to get some kind of running update of how many hundreds of thousands he has one. I am nervous already for him.
I'm pretty sure they don't allow that. I can send out an e-mail or post once he calls me tomorrow and I give him the answer to the $250,000 question.
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