Justin is getting married this Saturday! Just thought I'd throw that out there. "Get thee to bed and rest, for thou hast need." (Romeo and Juliet, Act IV, scene iii, line 13-14)
And I will now leave you with an excerpt from "Intended for Pleasure". ALERT: Brandon, if you reading this...stop NOW!!
"If the husband (that's you, Justin) is attempting to stretch the vaginal opening on the wedding night, he should make sure his fingernails are filed very smooth and short and then follow these instructions: Insert the tips of three fingers, held in a wedge shape and well lubricated with artificial lubricant, into the vaginal opening. Press down toward the back, very firmly but very slowly. It should take from 15 to 30 minutes to fully stretch the hymen. Move your fingers only 1/8 inch (BRING A TAPE MEASURE) at a time, until finally you can insert all 3 fingers to the base."
Have fun, J-Lo.
15 comments:
Andrew,
Your recital of Intended for Pleasure is spot on, much like Dwight's impersonation of Jim.
Kudos!
that didn't quite work as well as i had hoped :)
Whatever dude...don't do that crap. Just follow your instincts. Make sure and say, "QUIT CRYING"!
Whenever I hear Romeo and Juliet, I always think of watching it in Mr. Dodd's Freshman English class. It was the version Franco Zeffirelli version (aka: the one with the hot Juliet. Her real last name is Hussey, I kid you not.)
Anyway, he had the movie playing, and he had it routed through a projector at his desk (a projector similar to one you would find in Geometry, with the glass writing surface, and the adjustable mirror for projecting images onto the wall) Mr. Dodd was so advanced for his time.
So, it comes to the sex scene of this movie, and Mr. Dodd flips down the mirror on the projector. And then stares at the video playing underneath and smiles! He was looking at nudity while we were in the room, and he was ENJOYING IT!
After this incident (and another involving Landon being called "flippant") I lost respect for him. Thanks for giving me a C, John. I never liked your class.
that girl was pretty hot. i think if have seen that scene at some point and it is quality :)
any of you guys staying at a hotel this weekend or are you staying at your houses.
oh, i finally got the link to landon's pics up. they are pretty good and little john is getting larger by the day.
I think at one point Nunley was staying with me on Friday, but only for the Guitar Hero.
I'll be at a hotel, but it is in Chattanooga. We can't make the wedding because we'll be celebrating our anniversary that day. I think it's cool how Justin looks up to me so much that he wanted to have the same anniversary as me every year. Or maybe he wanted a year's warning for anything that can happen in marriage for the rest of our lives. Either way, he's my padawan, and I love him.
In honor of Justin's upcoming wedding, I would like to share his senior will from high school.
I, Justin Lipscomb, leave
Brewer: air drums
Jeff: Mr. Destructo
Muston: Ankles, "BJ's!"
Phil: "Go Dolphins!"
D-Roc: Ozzy, Metallica
Zeke: the rope swing
Sweet D: "Car ain't got no brakes", Pearl Jam
Red: Golf team, "skin folds"
Sears Crew: Tyson, Big Bird
i left out some pointless girls shout outs but that was most of it. enjoy lippy.
Justin, I am still in and not for the guitar hero but the fun!!!!
Until THen!!
Fellas,
I can't wait for this weekend. It will be great seeing you guys.
Well, not Kev, he doesn't care about us.
Deuteronomy 24:5
When a man hath taken a new wife, he shall not go out to war, neither shall he be charged with any business: but he shall be free at home one year, and shall cheer up his wife which he hath taken.
I guess 8 days isn't quite a year, but it will have to do.
@ross
Like Snoop Dogg said, "You gotta get yours, but fool I gotta get mine."
I don't know if I'm qualified to post here since I didn't reside at EDNA's, but I wanted to say the weekend was enjoyable. Until next time..
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