Someone was seen in the bathroom with bullets in Johnson Hall. Jackie Matson quelled the situation with a piece of chalk and his fists.
Story
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Friday, August 20, 2010
Mystery revealed
Men,
I apologize for the delay in writing this.
On Saturday morning at 9:00, I left on one of the most ridiculous trips I have ever been on.
But before I get into that, I feel I explain a little bit first. We go to church with a gentleman we will call S. S is wealthy. S has never been married. S is also retired.
So for fun, he goes to casinos all over the place, and has been doing so for some time. He goes so much, that he has acquired a certain status with multiple casinos. These statuses allow him certain amenities. This trip showcases a few of those amenities.
About 2 months ago, S had an idea to bring a few friends with him to the casino, and the casino thought that was a swell idea. S said, i want to bring my banker and some of his friends, and they became bigger fans of this idea. He had been promised a limo to pick him up and drive him home in the past, so he cashed that in for this trip. Imagine their disappointment when S's banker and his friends turn out to be me and 4 friends under the age of 30. I imagine they were hoping for 6 "whale's" like S, but instead it was one "whale" and 5 "minnows". On to the trip....
At 9:00, we had this pick us up in Nashville. This would be our ride to and from the casino, round trip. (Its worth pointing out that every bill or tab we had along the way, the casino picked up.)
Instead of heading straight to the casino at 11:00, S and the Casino had arranged for us to play 9 holes of golf at a course nearby. all golf expenses, including lunch and range balls were on the casino's tab. Not only that, we had a host there to play with us who was a former PGA professional for 15 years on the west coast, giving us free lessons. Landon, this guy was money. Had a Bob Murphy-esque swing, but each shot was so pure it was sickening. Finally, the casino decided to send the General Manager of the casino out to play with us as well. Imagine his surprise when he sees the "whales" S has brought into town.
After golf, we head to the hotel and they set us up with our rooms. S has his usual suite, pictured below. It is sick.
We had 2 other rooms, that were nice as well, just not suites. Again, the hotel comped all of these rooms.
We clean up and head down to the casino. S is an all-star. Everyone knows his name, and welcomes him back. We gamble for an hour or so before dinner. We have all been comped buffet dinner, which was awesome. Casino food is actually pretty good. and they had everything imaginable.
We gamble for the rest of the night. Half of us end up winning, the other half lose what we came with. I was in the losing half. Aaron, there was only 2/5/no limit poker available, so there was no 3/6. I was bummed about that.
We had free breakfast on Sunday morning at one of their restaurants. S had comp money left over, so he got 4 pies to go with the rest of the free money. Then our bus brought us back to Nashville.
The moral of this story? Casino's have so much money, they can waste it on low-spending players such as myself. As long as you know the right people.
I apologize for the delay in writing this.
On Saturday morning at 9:00, I left on one of the most ridiculous trips I have ever been on.
But before I get into that, I feel I explain a little bit first. We go to church with a gentleman we will call S. S is wealthy. S has never been married. S is also retired.
So for fun, he goes to casinos all over the place, and has been doing so for some time. He goes so much, that he has acquired a certain status with multiple casinos. These statuses allow him certain amenities. This trip showcases a few of those amenities.
About 2 months ago, S had an idea to bring a few friends with him to the casino, and the casino thought that was a swell idea. S said, i want to bring my banker and some of his friends, and they became bigger fans of this idea. He had been promised a limo to pick him up and drive him home in the past, so he cashed that in for this trip. Imagine their disappointment when S's banker and his friends turn out to be me and 4 friends under the age of 30. I imagine they were hoping for 6 "whale's" like S, but instead it was one "whale" and 5 "minnows". On to the trip....
At 9:00, we had this pick us up in Nashville. This would be our ride to and from the casino, round trip. (Its worth pointing out that every bill or tab we had along the way, the casino picked up.)
Instead of heading straight to the casino at 11:00, S and the Casino had arranged for us to play 9 holes of golf at a course nearby. all golf expenses, including lunch and range balls were on the casino's tab. Not only that, we had a host there to play with us who was a former PGA professional for 15 years on the west coast, giving us free lessons. Landon, this guy was money. Had a Bob Murphy-esque swing, but each shot was so pure it was sickening. Finally, the casino decided to send the General Manager of the casino out to play with us as well. Imagine his surprise when he sees the "whales" S has brought into town.
After golf, we head to the hotel and they set us up with our rooms. S has his usual suite, pictured below. It is sick.
We had 2 other rooms, that were nice as well, just not suites. Again, the hotel comped all of these rooms.
We clean up and head down to the casino. S is an all-star. Everyone knows his name, and welcomes him back. We gamble for an hour or so before dinner. We have all been comped buffet dinner, which was awesome. Casino food is actually pretty good. and they had everything imaginable.
We gamble for the rest of the night. Half of us end up winning, the other half lose what we came with. I was in the losing half. Aaron, there was only 2/5/no limit poker available, so there was no 3/6. I was bummed about that.
We had free breakfast on Sunday morning at one of their restaurants. S had comp money left over, so he got 4 pies to go with the rest of the free money. Then our bus brought us back to Nashville.
The moral of this story? Casino's have so much money, they can waste it on low-spending players such as myself. As long as you know the right people.
Friday, August 13, 2010
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
HE'S BACK!
Billy "USA" Mitchell has taken the crown again. He broke the record for Donkey Kong Jr. while he was at it. Is there anything the man can't do, besides cutting his mullet? He obviously can't do that.
Thursday, August 5, 2010
Dublin Desperado
It was sunny afternoon in Dublin. Earlier that day a “friend”, Mowens, had dropped us off in a rough part of town after touring the Guinness Storehouse. We had no idea where we were but Mowens had to get the rental car back to Wexford so he left us near where he thought was a post office. We had to mail souvenirs back to the states because our backpacks were out of room. The post office we were near didn’t mail packages so we trekked down ghetto streets with Irish hooligans eyeing our Osprey packs. At the next post office there were no boxes. Pissed, we walked out the door and our fears that we were in an area that we didn’t belong were confirmed when some random woman said, “you guys probably shouldn’t be walking around here, this isn’t the best part of town.” Soon our badass takedown of a villain preying on an uptown cougar would prove there was no part of town we didn’t belong.
We were searching for a luggage store so Phillip could get all his Bushmills, Old Middleton, and Jameson whiskey back across the Atlantic since no one would ship it. Luckily, his hands were free to bash goon head since he had dropped all of the liquor off at the hostel (we had to sneak it past all of the Czech and Swedish girls who were ready to partay). We were having a hard time finding the luggage store so we asked someone for help. We followed her directions and as we approached the next intersection (see picture) a lanky guy with bug eyes came sprinting around the corner. By sprinting I mean that the woman wearing high heels and yelling, “stop him, he stole my purse!” was actually gaining ground on him before they got to the road. We were within about 30 yards from the purse snatcher but he was so slow that I turned to Philip and nonchalantly said, “I think that guy took that woman’s purse. Yeah, he did. He is holding in his hand under his jacket,” to which Phillip responded, “should we stop him?” Answering his own question, the hero of this story squatted down into a 3 point stance ready to spear this thug through his ribcage. When he finally arrived he saw his deathblow coming and juked Phillip. It turned out that while he runs a 9 second 40 he could move laterally like Chris Johnson. I closed up the strong side gap while Phillip moved in, stopped the thief, and took the purse. About that time two ninja leprechauns appeared out of nowhere, gave each other a high five, shouted “lets get him!” and showed their teeth. One put the shifty canine-like crook in a chokehold while the other grabbed his legs. Then, his buddy came up and said, “don’t hurt him, he’s a crackhead.” The leprechauns responded, “Where da gold at?” The ninja leprechaun let him go, not out of sympathy (ninja leprechauns don’t have feelings) but because the crackhead bit him. He shimmied away and scaled a fence.
At some point the woman got her purse back. She thanked the hero who walked away proudly yet unscathed. Well, except for the awful smell of the Dublin desperado that lingered on throughout the night. As the marshal and his sidekick walked away I looked down and the wind blowed something green along the sidewalk like a prairie dog. How it got to Ireland I don’t know. It was a five dollar bill.
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